By Jerry Whittaker

Hey son, how’s about you set this machine for me? If I could have 5 bucks for each time I have been asked that question on the slots floor I’d be writing this from a hammock on some sun drenched beach. Come to think of it, I’d probably not be writing this at all.

Fact is a large number of slots player still have entrenched misconceptions regarding slot machines. Whether the play is taking place in a live casino or via internet gambling, the story remains the same.

I’ve watched guys rubbing each coin they drop vigorously against the side of the machine, feeding their coins in a certain sequence or at timed intervals, bumping the machine just before each reel stops and my personal favourite, pouring “special” cooking oil bought from a local traditional healer down the coin entry to try and lay some mojo on the machine.

Apart from the hideous job of cleaning a quart of smelly fish oil out of the innards of the machine afterwards most were really amusing and surveillance tapes of some of the more athletic and exotic tricks made sought after comic relief viewing on our breaks.

The fact is there is nothing you can do to influence the outcome of any spin on any slot machine. The only possible result of the hip slamming, shoulder ramming and head butting is a tilted machine that requires a reset. Or perhaps a broken machine glass which will buy you a hasty and uncomfortable escort to the security offices.

Another slots players favourite is the “hey, you fixed this machine so that it doesn’t pay” theory. I have been beaten silly by little old, blue haired ladies while resetting a progressive jackpot that didn’t lock up because I was “setting the machines”.

Fact number two is there is no way of setting any machine to pay out more or less than it’s supposed to. The RTP (return to player) percentages are set in the machines software and there is no way of changing it.

Slots machines do not follow pay cycles either. Not playing a machine because it has just paid out a jackpot is silly. It can pay out another three top awards on the next three spins or not pay out again for weeks. It’s a totally random process that can not be measured or influenced.

There are just so many of these myths in circulation that it would take days to deal with them. I may touch on a few more of these amusing issues in later articles, but for now suffice it to say you can’t cheat the bandit boys! Whether they are the live or internet gambling varieties, they just can’t be beat!

By Jerry Whittaker

I don’t know about you but I’m a great fan of the free lunch. Although I keep hearing that there is no such thing, I’ve had enough zero dollar pastrami on rye to know better. Now those that would like to see that concept extended to include their gambling are going to have to find a no deposit casino to have a couple of free spins.

Truth is much like the unicorn and peace in our time, there is no such thing. All casinos require a deposit before you can take Lady Luck for a whirl on the floor. What most casinos do offer though is a deposit match bonus. These bonuses vary from casino to casino but generally are based on a 100% minimum deposit back up to a set limit.

What this means is that you deposit $50 and the casino matches your deposit with $50, or more in most cases, of free play. So, although it isn’t a “no deposit” situation strictly speaking, the sandwich is on the house at the end of the day. Some casinos offer really great deposit match bonuses of anything up to 300% or more in some cases.

For those wanting to kick the tyres before they buy in, or are unfamiliar with online gaming or gambling in general, this is a good opportunity to try out the site or games before committing to some serious action. If you are new to casino games, use this chance to get yourself familiarized on the houses account well. It can prevent some expensive mistakes later.

Now, once that free play has been used and you are a bona fide site member, a lot of casinos offer continuing free play incentives for the dedicated Scrooges among us. Top up deposit cash backs, promotions and free play specials are regular features on most online casino sites and should be sought out with vigour.

Low denomination games are also features of most upstanding establishments where bets can be as low as 1 cent, and although one has to loosen the purse strings to play, the cost is nominal and a lot of gambling fun can be had with less than the cost of a ham sandwich. Of course the payouts are lower, but you can’t have it all Ebenezer!

As mentioned, casinos regularly host promotions and offer specials that allow for limited time free play on certain games. The details of these incentives are usually posted on the casinos event calendar which is generally displayed on the sites home page. Refer to the calendar regularly to avoid missing out.

Once you have been a member for a while and are considered to be a member of the aristocracy, many casinos also offer loyalty awards which see redeemable player points awarded for each bet that you make. These may seem pretty small but they total up quickly and make for a very welcome break for your wallet.

So now you know how to find a no deposit casino I’ll be running along. I just heard they’re offering free biscuits and gravy down the block!